


Lifetime

by bunnybaes



Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Songfic, the one that got away??????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27631420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnybaes/pseuds/bunnybaes
Summary: Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?
Relationships: Bae Jinyoung/Kim Seunghun, Kim Seunghun/Lee Byounggon | BX
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> this is an alternate universe therefore please be open to some differences this fic might have in terms of traditions. 
> 
> this is a fic based from the song Lifetime by Ben&Ben. Please give it a listen while reading this fic. 💛

As always, Seunghun was dazzling in Byounggon’s eyes.

He is Seunghun’s number one admirer. Byounggon would always call him things to tease him, but deep inside he thinks Seunghun is unique. No one would ever look like him, no one would ever be Seunghun. There is just a single Seunghun in this world. And rather than being grateful that he met Seunghun in this lifetime, it pains him. The thought of Seunghun being his one and only irreplaceable Seunghun tugs his heart to the ground.

And he’s gazing at him right now. He never told Seunghun that he find him pretty; heck he even think he’s the prettiest boy ever. His beauty is just incomparable to him. And for the few times that he did so, he would act as if he was about to throw up to tease Seunghun and pretend that he doesn’t mean it.

But Seunghun remembers each of those very few times Byounggon told him that he’s pretty — prom night, high school graduation, and their college graduation. There’s no denying that it made his cheeks and ears go warm but eventually he would find himself be a little bit disappointed the moment Byounggon takes it back.

However, there was one instance that remains special for Seunghun and that he can never forget. Seunghun was preparing for a singing contest audition and the heavens know how much of a nervewreck he was at that time. He was so nervous that he was able to finish 5 bottles of water and accumulate a total of 10,264 steps walking back and forth at the hallway while waiting for the audition to start. And when Seunghun thought of backing down, Byounggon came to his rescue.

Byounggon stopped Seunghun in his tracks and looked at Seunghun’s eyes with the most supportive smile he can ever put on his face.

_“I believe in you. You know that Hun-ah.” Byounggon said while looking at Seunghun straight in the eyes, making sure that he hears every single word he meant. “I know I’ve been teasing you all our lives but you look uglier when you cry like this.” Byounggon later on giggled, with hopes that Seunghun would finally calm down._

_But what Byounggon said only made Seunghun let out a louder sob. He then hit Byounggon hard in the chest which earned a hearty whimper from the other._

_“Ow- stop! Hey! Hey… I’m just kidding!” Byounggon said in defeat, but Seunghun just gave him another blow on his arm._

_“If you wouldn’t stop on hitting me, will you please at least stop crying?” Byounggon’s voice is now a little softer which made the other pause and look at his staring eyes back._

_“You’ve always looked pretty to me. All this time. I swear. I promise.” Byounggon then added all of a sudden._

_It both stopped them in their tracks._

_Byounggon just realized what he was doing and he found himself stiffen from comforting Seunghun by his arm while Seunghun’s heart was beating too fast, more than it did a few seconds ago when he was so anxious to go on stage._

_Hearing Byounggon seriously tell him that he’s pretty sent shivers down his spine, making him feel the cold air on his skin but feel his insides all warm and cozy. For a moment, Seunghun thought Byounggon was about to kiss him, and he also couldn’t understand why he wants him to do it too. Perhaps it’s because he never saw Byounggon as serious as this that crazy thoughts were already running inside his head._

_Seunghun was waiting for Byounggon to take his words back like he usually does, but this time he didn’t._

_Byounggon then took Seunghun by surprise as he suddenly closed the gap and embraced him, tight._

_“I’m sorry. Okay? I’m stupid for making you feel worse at this moment. You know I don’t mean to do so. I’m really sorry.” Byounggon gently said as he rubbed Seunghun’s back._

Seunghun smiled at the sudden memory as he looked at himself seated in front of the mirror, carefully fixing his bow tie.

Today is a special day for him.

Byounggon was right behind Seunghun, adoringly watching him from the mirror. There was nothing but pure silence in between them, but it was the comforting kind that they always share. Both have no idea that they were recalling the same memory inside their heads, not until they caught each other smiling on the mirror.

“Why are you smiling?” They both asked at the same time.

Traditionally, they mention their full names whenever they end up saying the exact same thing at the very same moment to avoid the jinx. And for being each other’s partner in crime all their lives, they seem to have always shared the same exact thoughts. From thinking of a place to go down to a random topic they’ve just thought.

 _However, they may have shared a lot of common things together, but it was never the same feelings._ They may have thought about it to themselves but none of them was ever brave enough to speak about it. Even though they both knew that secrets may soon turn into regrets.

It’s those thoughts and those words that they failed to say to each other at the same time. _Or perhaps, they have always shared those feelings._

“Seunghun Kim.”

“Byounggon Lee.”

They both uttered rapidly before bursting into laughter. Byounggon’s heart was filled with immense joy until he realized something.

“But in an hour you’re not going to be Seunghun Kim anymore…” Byounggon murmured as his expression slowly changed and they both fell silent.

Seunghun knows what he meant. It’s going to take a lot of time for Byounggon to get used to saying Seunghun Bae instead of Seunghun Kim after his wedding in an hour. For some reason, he felt a pang of pain shoot inside his chest. He has never thought about this.

Byounggon looked as if he was about to burst into tears but he tried his best to sweep those thoughts away and chuckled, “Seunghun Bae. Right. Seunghun Bae. Must get used to that now.” He cleared his throat as he feels his voice shaken a little.

Byounggon didn’t know what to say or do next. He just wanted to storm out of the dressing room, cry his heart out, throw up, get drunk and forget about Seunghun already because it just hurts so much. A lot is going on inside his head but all his body can do is to be still behind Seunghun while looking down at his own feet, biting his cheek to hold himself from bursting into tears as he grips the corner of the chair for support.

He may fake a smile, but the body can never lie. From all the stopping and the heavy breathings he has done, he just couldn’t help it anymore. A cold tear then ran down his warm skin and dropped on his shiny black dress shoes that he bought specially for Seunghun’s wedding.

Seunghun was staring at Byounggon from behind him. They didn’t have to tell each other. They both know exactly what each other feel. They were just scared to give in and they have allowed their fears to grow stronger than what their hearts yearn for the past years which made Seunghun be in defeat and finally decide to give up. He thought that they would be better off like this, that if he kept Byounggon like this, they’ll never have to be torn apart. But right at this moment, everything between them is loudly crashing as Byounggon started to sob.

Seunghun got up from his chair and lifted Byounggon’s face.

“Hey. Why are you crying like this? Are you about to stop the wedding or what?” He joked as he pat Byounggon’s soft cheek. “Didn’t you always call me ugly?!” He chuckled, half joking half meaning to really know why is Byounggon crying right now.

“I’m sorry Hun-ah. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” Byounggon cried harder as Seunghun embraced him and he is now crying on Seunghun’s shoulder. He gripped Seunghun’s arm while crying his heart out. Perhaps holding him tight like this could bring them back in time. Perhaps he could still have a chance and claim back what’s supposed to be his. Perhaps it would keep him from going away.

But perhaps, it was just Byounggon regretting for not holding onto him before.

“What are you sorry for Gon-ah?” Seunghun knows he shouldn’t be asking, he knows exactly what he meant. Why is he even stirring this up?

Because he wanted to hear it from Byounggon before it’s too late.

Byounggon pulled away and looked at Seunghun’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for letting you go Seunghun. I’m sorry for not letting you know how much I love you. I’m sorry for not letting you know how beautiful you have always been to me. I’m sorry for always letting you down. I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was scared. I’m sorry because I was a coward I know I was going to lose you if I told you how I felt and I didn’t want that to happen. I’m sorry that I am saying all of these to you right now. Now that you’re happy. Now that you’re going to be spending your whole lifetime with the man that you deserve. I’m sorry for ruining everything right now Seunghun.”

Byounggon knows that he’s going to regret this. He does not know why he is saying all of these right now at Seunghun’s wedding but deep inside, he knows that this is the right time or else everything will be too late; even though it already is.

“I know, Gon. I know.” Seunghun cupped Byounggon’s now swollen face and looked directly in his eyes. Seunghun’s heart was breaking to see him like this. He never saw Byounggon’s fragile side; because Byounggon is only vulnerable and fragile when it comes to Seunghun and he never dared to show it.

“I have loved you all those years Byounggon. And I was just as scared to lose you. I thought that if I kept it that way, I wouldn’t lose you. I have always waited for you to say something and just eventually believed that it was just me all those times.” Seunghun chuckled as a tear dropped from his eye. “I knew deep down that I was important to you. As a best friend. You never failed to make me feel that, Gon. Don’t be sorry. But I was yearning for more than that with you, for years. To the point that giving up and getting over those feelings might be the only right thing to do so I did it. And I have always told you about Jinyoung, seeing how you were so supportive of us was the affirmation I needed. I am grateful for that, Gon. I know that you know how much Jinyoung means to me.”

Byounggon didn’t know what to feel. All this time, they have been fooled that they’ve always shared the same thoughts without the need of saying everything, but right at this moment, they both learned that words mattered so much more than they thought. Some things are meant to be said before it’s too late. That if one of them tried to give in a little more and dared to speak about their feelings, a beautiful lifetime could have been waiting right ahead of them.

And now, instead of gathering the courage to let Seunghun know about his feelings like the past, he’s gathering all the will to move on and be happy for Seunghun and Jinyoung. To believe that something else is waiting for him in this lifetime rather than waiting for the next lifetime that is just as uncertain as he was about his feelings.


End file.
